January 27, 2008

Picketing in Space! The Final Frontier!

The Westboro Baptist Church has recently announced plans to become the first church to picket homosexuality while in space. According to their press release, they expect work on their rocketship "Rapture Rocket" to be completed by 2012. Although the WBC seems to believe that this is a revolutionary idea, what they fail to realize is that we here at the Eastboro Baptist Church launched the first living being into space just two years after the foundation of our church in 1957: "Laika" the space dog.* Three years later, in 1960, we launched a kitten into space just to watch it die. Furthurmore, it's widely known that Neil Armstrong himself is a supporter of the EBC and secretly inscribed the epic words "God hates pretty much everything" on the pole of the American flag that he planted in the secret Hollywood sound stage.*

Image courtesy of NASA and www.GodHatesGlobes.com

So it's easy to see that we have the upper hand in terms of space exploration experience. (and in terms of everything else.) In fact, we began construction on our own rocket ship, "Jesus Christ: ShootingStar", a little over a year ago! (after extensive research on HowStuffWorks.com) You can rest assured, with the previous successes of our space program, that we won't find ourselves stuck on the bottom of the Earth as Westboro is destined to do. (Good luck climbing those gigantic waterfalls you sinners!) You should also know that, unlike the WBC, we won't be following the traditional blueprints for a rocket ship. Thus, the Jesus Christ: ShootingStar won't be shaped like a giant penis, but instead, a giant Bible, so that we may truly preach God's Hatred to the world.

Space: It's the final frontier... for picketing! The race is on!

P.S.
If you are Bob from Special Effects and CGI Inc., would you please respond to our emails about renting your sound stage somtime before 2012? Thanks.

*Don't look this up. The liberal media has conspired against God to attribute this accomplishment to the filthy Russians.

*Don't look this up either.